


awakened/fooled

by Adri_K



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adri_K/pseuds/Adri_K
Summary: My take on the first encounter between Atton and my Exile, Illa, on Peragus.Also it's from Atton's POV
Relationships: Female Jedi Exile/Atton "Jaq" Rand, The Jedi Exile/Atton "Jaq" Rand
Kudos: 22





	awakened/fooled

Atton wasn’t sure how long it’s been since he has seen anyone. At first he thought that the miners of the Peragus facility simply switched to more drastic interrogation methods and at some point they’d show up with a nicely packed tray and some questions. But they didn’t show up. And they didn’t respond to his shouts either. The scoundrel only heard a few things since he got locked up: some droids, some screams, some explosions, but even those sounds stopped after a while. He had nothing to listen to except for the buzzing of the force field, the sizzling of the force cage around him and his own thoughts.

Or at least, that’s what he had until the force field turned off.

Atton turned to face whoever came to rescue him. Or kill him. If he had to be honest with himself, a part of Atton wasn’t even entirely convinced that this wasn’t some elaborate trick his starved and thirsting mind was playing on him. Once the door opened, he became even less convinced.

She couldn’t have been real. The woman standing in the doorway wore nothing but her underwear. She held on to her vibroblade loosely but with confidence. She looked at Atton with curiosity and relief, not with the scorn the scoundrel has grown used to in the last few days. He couldn’t guess the color of her eyes through the lights of the force cage and yet, something about those eyes reminded him of hyperspace. Of flying. The woman had her hair gathered on one side, revealing the curve of her neck on the other. Her light, slightly damp hair was flowing down over her shoulder, reaching below her breast. Half-dried kolto stuck some of the strands to her skin, which was littered with old, barely visible scars. Her body was built for speed and endurance, but Atton could also tell that she could swing that vibroblade with power. That she was a fighter, maybe a survivor, even. It has been long since the last time he has seen a woman like her. Which is why he found her haunting in a way. But at the same time, her presence also comforted him.

The woman took a few steps closer to him and Atton soon realized that he wasn’t imagining her. The realization stunned him for a split second, but once the initial shock passed, he also realized that this woman might’ve needed saving as much as he did – and chances were, she deserved it more than he did.

‘Nice outfit…’ he called out to her, trying to mask his thoughts with a cheeky tone ‘what? You miners changed regulation uniforms while I wasn’t looking?’

‘You’re not one of the miners, I take it?’ she said, ignoring Atton’s attempt at flirting.

‘Nope… and I guess, neither are you.’

‘No,’ the woman shook her head. ‘How did you manage to end up in there?’ she pointed at the force cage with her blade.

‘Oldest story in the book: I broke one security regulation or another. But in my defense, these regulations are crazy. I tried explaining that to the miners as well. Before they stopped feeding me, I mean.’

‘Oh. I think I found a holorecord on that… and on mining extremely reactive fuel,’ the woman went to the console controlling the cage and stood her blade against its side, ‘they were right to worry, if you ask me,’ she said as she tried to slice the console. ‘But jailing you was a bit of an overreaction too, I suppose.’

‘That’s what I’ve told ‘em too,’ Atton chuckled while he watched her learn her way around the cell’s systems, ‘glad to finally meet someone who knows how to listen.’

‘If you knew how seldom I hear that,’ she sighed the words into the empty air, then turned off the force cage with a few button presses.

Atton stepped out of the cage and stretched for a moment. He tried shaking the soreness in his legs off as he made his way to his rescuer’s side.

‘I’m Atton, by the way. Atton Rand,’ he offered his hand with a smile.

‘Illa Vehn. A pleasure to meet you, though I wish it was under different circumstances,’ her handshake was gentle and firm. Atton liked the warmth of her hand against his. But her name… he knew he heard it somewhere before, but he couldn’t remember where or when. Somehow he got the feeling that it was for the best, that it was better to just enjoy her touch and to get lost in the details of her face.

‘Illa…’ Atton said, testing the feel of her name on his lips, as he reluctantly let go of her ‘not to sound ungrateful, but care to explain what’s going on here?’

Illa shrugged. ‘There’s not much I could tell you. All I found out was that the droids have been reprogrammed to kill the miners. And then I found you. Actually, I was hoping you would answer me that very same question.’

‘The miners are dead? All of them?’ Atton didn’t have any particularly positive memories about his captors but he didn’t wish death on them, especially not at the hands of a bunch of droids.

‘I don’t know, I couldn’t reach the other levels of the facility. But on this level…? Yes, everyone’s gone. I’m sorry.’

‘Sorry? I wasn’t exactly friends with them,’ the scoundrel reached back to rub a sore spot on his neck.

‘I know, but dealing with death is never easy, especially when there’s so much of it at once,’ Illa sounded tired all of a sudden. Almost as if her words carried the weight of her own experiences with death.

‘I’m fine,’ Atton lied, but it wasn’t the miners’ fate that disturbed him. It was the show of sympathy. It was the unconditional kindness expressed towards him. It was the fear, the guilt and the hatred she evoked in him. ‘What about you? Are you alright?’ he asked hoping that the answer would give him a reason to think of… anything else.

‘I… yes, I’m starting to feel alright,’ Illa seemed surprised by the question, ‘I’m a bit disoriented, that’s all.’

‘Then I guess, we should see if we can reach anyone on the-‘ Atton turned to leave the cell but he felt his forearm being grabbed.

‘Not so fast,’ Illa said, ‘you’ve been in that cage for who knows how long without food or water. The med bay is not that far, I want to make sure you’re alright.’

‘I told you. I’m fine,’ the scoundrel peeled her fingers off him.

‘I’ve heard you the first time, but I don’t think it would do any of us any good if you passed out from dehydration. Please.’

Atton couldn’t tell if he found Illa’s insistence annoying or sweet. Regardless, he felt he… couldn’t say no to her.

‘Fair enough. If you don’t think it’s a waste of time…’

‘It’s not. Besides, I think there are a few things that I’ve missed when I’ve been there,’ Illa picked up her blade and set off. The scoundrel took a moment to admire her posterior but then he quickly caught up with her. He noticed how strangely she walked, how heavy her steps were and yet she still moved swiftly. He even had to spring a little to reach her.

‘What exactly do you think you’ll find there?’ Atton asked, eyeing the droids that Illa neutralized through either reprogramming or simply scrapping.

‘I don’t know. The patients were dead too but I didn’t look through the consoles thoroughly enough,’ Illa’s answer also sounded like a scolding directed at herself. ‘I’m sure, if I look again, I’ll find some hint at who might have done this.’

‘What about the-‘ Atton stopped before he could finish his question. Illa stopped as well a few paces ahead of him and turned back with a questioning look. As the scoundrel looked at her, things started to make sense to him. He remembered the miners talking about an unconscious Jedi being treated in the med bay. He remembered when the local leadership refused to sell her to the Exchange. But other memories also resurfaced: memories that were older and a lot more painful. ‘Shit… you’re her, aren’t you? You’re a Jedi.’

The look on Illa’s face barely shifted and yet, for a moment, Atton could’ve sworn he glimpsed the agony of the whole galaxy condensed in her. She looked away from him, trying to compose herself.

‘I haven’t been one for a long time,’ she said, turning back to him, ‘but yes, I’m her. I hope it won’t be a problem.’

‘You hope it won’t be a problem?! It caused all of this! You caused all of this!’ Atton snapped at the… Jedi. He should have seen her for what she was the second she set foot in his cell. Instead he turned a blind eye to all the signs and allowed himself to feel… something for her.

‘I know,’ Illa sighed apologetically, then continued on her way to the med bay.

The scoundrel’s heart sank. He cursed the Jedi and their hypocritical ways of sacrifice and responsibility. He cursed Illa for actually believing in them. He cursed himself for being unable to get mad at her, for being unable to channel the hatred in him towards her. He cursed whomever it was that had him stuck on a planet-sized minefield with her. The situation, his emotions, everything seemed like a cruel joke played on the two of them.

Atton knew his outburst didn’t help either.

Illa was already busy with the consoles when Atton reached the med bay. He approached her more awkwardly than he would have liked. The Jedi, however, still looked at him with tenderness.

‘I… I’m sorry,’ Atton said, ‘I shouldn’t have said that. It was really unfair to you.’

Illa smiled as an answer. ‘Consider it forgotten.’ She used a console to open a door right behind her. ‘According to the requisition and treatment logs, there should be still plenty of medpacs left,’ she entered the small room and looked around the containers, ‘as well as some emergency rations,’ the Jedi picked up a bottle of water from a cylinder and tossed it to Atton. ‘Help yourself,’ she said as she watched the scoundrel catch the bottle with ease.

Atton made his way to the container while Illa made hers back to the console. He carefully took a sip out of the bottle, enjoying the touch of water against his lips, then emptied the bottle in merely seconds. He picked out an energy bar from the cylinder that was sticky from all the sugar and still tasted mostly like yeast, but Atton quickly finished it as well. Then he took another bottle of water, and closed the cylinder so he could sit on it. This time he drank slower, savoring each drop as he watched Illa from afar. He imagined each sip as another kiss he wanted to leave on her body, on her old scars and on the ones she hasn’t received yet.

It was a painful duality he felt for her: he was mesmerized by her, every instinct he had told him to help her, to protect her, but at the same time he couldn’t help but feel gripped by fear and self-hatred around her. That was part of how Atton knew he felt more than lust. He was familiar with lust, once he could use it like it was a shield or turn it on like a stealth field generator. Love was different: it hurt, it exposed him, it was beyond his control. All he could do was making sure that this time things would end differently for the two of them.

Atton decided to play along with the foolish joke played on him. He rejoined Illa at the console and a part of him almost wished she really was a dream like he first thought.


End file.
